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just happened across DarkSorceress shade and was enjoying the writing there as well and lord and behold came across the line that it is you! and I too recall the ghost and mr chicken,, so we're both along the same lines, so to speak...i am older than most here, for sure...anway, just thought this might amuse you...good writing is good writing!!!
rob
O.o
Note to self: Fill Dark with quizzes when I get time.
Rating and I can tell I am not in the best of moods. How? Well...
Profile:
Im Gothic
thats all you need to know.
"I am Kay and you are dull."
Profile:
Want pain with screaming
I want to own you
I want to have you
Make your lips bleed
and let me lick them.
"Sure- just as soon as I punch you in the freaking mouth, jerk."
Profile:
I have jet black hair and jade green eyes, im 5'10 and weigh 120. I was born in 1708 and I miss my home town more then you know. Im a wild one and hate to be caged!
*holds up rat paw and goes Grrrr.* Cages are fun... maybe you should get up with the guy who likes to lick.
Profile:
Bloond hair slicked back black t-shirt long leather black jeans and boots
Old big tshirt that has a carebear on the front, and socks on my feet. Hole in one of those as I am a WILD CHILD!!
Profile:
Old French for Royal Blood
O.o Thank goodness. I drank from a Chinese male a hour ago and I am hungry again.
Want to take a trip with me? Spend your morning as I did? Then sit back and let’s start. 7:00 am I left for the pleasant 70 mile trip to do a sales call on a rainy, cloudy morning. The hills of Kentucky were foggy and stunning as always. Let me show you...
I went to a very small town just over the state line called Cumberland Gap, TN. How small of a town? The post office sign read 37,000 but let me show you the main street of the town. Notice no red lights. There is a stop sign, one. The whole of town is five or six streets total.
Full of bed and breakfast places you can stay at, antique shops you can shop at. One small gas station and grocery store that look to be as old as the town. No Wal-Mart Super Center here. The towns beside them have that…these people want to stay the way of the past, frozen in time if you will.
Why? *shrugs* I don’t know, but I do love to visit. I have spent the weekend at a cabin in the woods. I have eaten at my favorite place, the fancy table linen out of place in this town. But you just have to love the name of the place. *smiles*
In the town is the location of Newlee Iron Furnace. This is what brought me to this small town. Driving by, I saw a sign on the road marking this. Lords- that had to of been 20 years ago as I remember my pickup was new and I was just out driving around on a fall day. I feel in love with the town on that day. *smiles* But lets get back to the furnace. I remember the sound of water. I remember sitting on a huge rock (still there today) and just letting the peace and quiet fill me. Today it is still the same for me.
*puts on my knowledge sharing hat* Now for some history of the place. Newlee Iron Furnace was a typical early 1800 ironworks. It would need a hammer mill, and bellows next to the tower, as well as a way to continually dump charcoal and ore into the top of the chimney. Here is a drawing of the place from back in 1830.
From the early 1820 to the 1880 the iron smelting business took advantage of the rushing water of the Gap Creek. Ingredients needed to make iron were nearby: iron-ore deposits close to the surface, limestone, abundant firewood to be made into charcoal for fuel and water power to run the air bellows and massive hammer mill. This is part of the original 30 ft high stone tower that remains.
Frontier era ironworks had an enormous appetite for firewood. During the 60 years iron was refined here; more then 10 squire miles of trees went up in smoke. A day it took: 625 bushes charcoal (16.5 cords of wood, or 52 average size trees), 6 ¼ tons of iron ore, 1,563 lbs limestone to get 3 tons of iron. Iron made here was sold to local blacksmiths. Some of the 150 lbs ingots or “pigs” were ship down the Powell River to Chattanooga, TN. Pictures from inside.
To think of all what it took to do this job, to keep smelting business going. Horses, wagons, labor. Make me think of the land they cleared of trees. Is that were they built the towns? How many people died doing the job? The ability of creating something that is still around even today.
Then I think of the creek. As I stand on the big rock, listen to the water, I wonder what all the creek has made it thru. Civil War, fires, greed, and pollution to name a few. And still so lovely, so clear to the eye. I wonder if someone will stand in this place in twenty years, wondering the same things.
Anyway- that was my morning. Just wanted to share with you the beauty I seen this morning.
Oh yeah... the nights of no sleep start. :) But look- I did a quizze thingy...
Which type of Dragon are you?
Demon DragonMysterious,Passionate,and quick to Anger.You scored as the Demon Dragon.You are mysterious and nobody knows what you are up to next.You are passionate yet sometimes Clumsy,but that doesn't stop you from being who you are.You sometimes lack intelligence but you always get steady afterwards.You are compatible with Fire Dragons.Avoid Water Dragons.
Warning to folks- I started a steroids pack today for my poison ivy. Mood WILL be effected for the next ten days if not more before its out of my system.
I am going to try my damnest to stay off the forum. But you know me... its so full of things that sits my "smart ass" mood off. I always start a fuss when I go there... so keep I eye out for me. :) Sorry in advance.
*going to bed- image of a rat with socks on her paws*
I swear- this was not me hitting on the person. LOL
On 17:51:33 Aug 29 2007 XXXX wrote:
*hands goes into your hair, and I look you in the eyes, forehead to yours as I tell you...*
You scratch my legs and butt, and I swear I will purr like a kitten for you
And if one more person in this office tells me I look like a dog with worms with the way I am rubbing my ass against things... I swear I am going to drop my pants and start scratching...
Hell- all I need is a few beers and I can write a country song about my ass.
O.o
*rubs ass against the desk corner as I sing*
"Oh itchy ass, how you make me want to scratch. You keep on and I will alcohol your ass. Will burn like hell, but then it will give me relief from... "
Hurricane Katrina was a lesson I would hope we have learned from. I learned, believe you should take care of your own, before you try to take care of the world.
Sadly- two years later and I see it has not happen.
Listen up new members as I am going to give you a pearl of wisdom.
When you reach level #4 then you will need to start looking around for a Coven or House. Find one that you will like and ask to be let in. Level #5 is the number you need to be aware of.
*looks at you as you, frowning, as you start to say something about how unfair that is, free will, no fun…. And holds up my hand*
Don’t start. It’s how it is, so get use to it. You don’t like it – then leave.
OR….
*looks around to make sure no one is watching, listen to us*
Why update? I mean… if you are just here for friends then stay a level four. You not here to play the Status game? Then no problem. Stay below level #5. No one can touch you there. Build up your time, pages viewed till you reach Sire hood level…then..
*slaps hands together fast, Bang! enjoy your jump.*
You update- Sire ... and no one can touch you.
But if you are unwilling to do that…then….
*shrugs*
Then don’t start your whiney ass up. Truly- the more whine you give, the more they will keep you. Think about this- blinded you can not do anything in the House or Coven but earn favor. That is why you are there to start with. Who is going to lose here? You.
But if you give it a try, maybe say hello to a few people… you might like it.
Its how Vampire Rave is done.
Ok- that’s it for wisdom. Now I am off to go play on the swing set of the Vampire Rave playground.
Game ruined.... Birdy's fault. That I remember. LOL
18:53 Aug 26 2007 Times Read: 1,718
After an eleven hour sleep cycle, I am able to plot my revenge on the Birdy. What I am about to tell you the Cat can testify to as she was there.
I have a terrible memory about names. While I say I only have a hand full of friends- I think its because that is all my little mind can handle. O.o Unlike my father and sisters I do not care to know, or want to hear about how So and So is married to this woman, who sister is working for this person, who cousin is dating this person. Truly- I do not care, and if you tell me I would never remember.
Now- put me at a funeral with Cousins and 3rd or 4th cousins and ask me who they are. People I am lucky to see once a year for a few hours at a family reunion. *arches eyebrows* Exactly, I have no idea who these people are. Sure- I see the face and know they are kin to me, but that is about all. I smile, I answer the question of “How are you? How are your parents?” and I move on.
Or I do this thing (by the way- this works for people that is not family too) I look really hard at them, like it hurts my small brain, then I get a expression like a light bulb comes on over my head, and I smile. “Oh. I remember that. Is that YOU? It has been so long.” And the person goes off thinking I remember him or her, and I still have no idea who the hell they are. But some people get upset if you forget them, so…. I play the game.
Now- Friday I am sitting with the Cat, Birdy and another friend at the funeral home when a woman comes and sits in front of us. First- she listen in to a private conversation between us, making comments about a subject she knew nothing of. That is when I asked her who she was…because I thought it was rude. She told me, and sitting here two days later I could not tell you her name.
She turns to me and tells me all these names, like they were to mean something to me. Then it was “Do you remember -----, he use to work for you.” “When?” As I do remember men who work for me as I spend a fair amount of time with them. “Oh that was years ago. You were a baby.” Now why the hell would I remember him then? It’s like asking me if I remember who changed my diaper as a baby.
She kept on and on, getting more pissed that I could not place her. That is when I fell back into my trick. I let my eyes close a little, frown…. Just ready to say “I remember who you are.” Give her a smile and “Its so good to see you. How is the family?” bullshit, and the woman would of been happy and left me alone.
But NOOOO…..
That is when Nita decided to freaking butt in. LOL
“She has no idea who you are. See the confused look on her face? She is totally lost.”
I could have kicked her. The woman just would not shut up- damn and determined to make me remember her. Thank gods the Cat changed the subject, and the service started.
Now Nita is able to remember who the person was that wiped her butt at the age of nine months, but I do not.
But I do know when to plot revenge… and the birdy will get a pay back.
Ok- when did the message thingy stop people from sending them? Sorry - I did not understand I was to reset the thing until the Cat told me Thursday, and I just did not care at the time. Its working now, I promise.
Priss was trying to ask me about clothing... :( Sorry I did not get back with her on time.
Thank you Angelus, Chordewa,Dubael,RedQueen, Jabilus and the others who sent me messages when I got it reset. Means a lot to me, the kind words you said. *hugs*
And the favor thing...
*happy dance*
Sorry- but I HATED playing games that I did not like. VR is fun for me- I don't want to "Have to do" anything here. So I am happy it changed.
Will have to think about the other accounts I have. Guess I will pull the Coven's ratings down, not being active everyday. Or spend less time on Vampirewitch.
5:30 am and I can’t sleep. Going to bury our puppy Hannah this morning, on our family land, early this morning.
And I woke up to it thundering outside.
Shepuppy hated thunder and storms. They frighten her. When it would thunder, she would go and sit by Hannah who loved them, would look out the window to watch.
Its like Shepuppy is giving a sign for Hannah to come on.
Uncle’s funeral is over. And I found something I dislike as much as being preached to for an hour about being saved, going to church, repent for my sins.
Being YELLED at as he tells me with wild hand movements.
o.o
But got to spend some time with my birdy and cat, so... :)
*Warning. This is a whine, only a whine about my life. Just need someplace to rant.*
Uncle is going to bury tomorrow after a day time visitation. 105 is the temp. Mom is damn and determined she is going to the graveyard. *foot going down* I think NOT!
My puppy dog was put to sleep today. Family talked about her quality of life, and she was put to sleep today with my sister holding her paw as I was 300 miles away on a job. I was offered to visit her this morning at 4:00am, but I did not wish to wake her. And knowing I would be upset, making her upset… :( Hannah will be missed, and I need a good cry.
And to TOP the day off- My older sister Kim showed up. She is my oldest blood sister who has not been around my parents in three years. No calls, no visit, no Christmas cards, nothing. She only shows up when she wants money. With her daughter, who is 3 years old, and her husband they visited mom today. Now- understand she did not know about our Uncle’s death. She showed no emotions about it. Wish she would just stay away. We made sure she never got Mom alone as she is the one Kim pulls the “Poor me” shit with.
She is freaking lucky I wasn’t here today… *GRRRR*
I know the old saying of God only give you what you can handle. Well…
I
HAVE
HAD
ENOUGH!
*We now return you to your regular journal reading. If this had been an actual emergency- cell phones would be ringing, IM’s would be pinging, emails sent. But this was just a whine. Needed to vent. Returning to my family.*
My Uncle who has been kept alive by a machine since Sunday night has pasted away. His daughter, who they were waiting on, arrived Monday night and they took him off the machines.
Never understood that as he has been in a coma since Sunday.... but they waited for her to say goodbye.
Sunday.... the 19th.... *sigh*
Today I was on a military and my sister did not tell me of his death (11:30 am) as she did not want me upset on the job. I think she did the right thing.
My mom is coming home Thursday... and her sisters are coming with her. Plans have not been made yet- but as his twin daughters they lost in birth as here.....
As VR is having problems with message center I wanted to put this here. I will be off for a few days. When I am not working, trying to pull my fathers work load, and sleeping, I wish to spend it with my Aunts and Mom.
Going to tell the Covens Masters and I am off. Need to spend some time with family.
When I was ten? eleven? I said something really stupid to my Uncle. One of those... what were you thinking comments. lol He looked me in the eye and said, in his deep voice, eyes sparkling... "You are as dumb as a coal bucket."
He did not mean it in a hateful way- and it became our greeting to each other from then on. "How is my coal bucket? Coal bucket- get over here and give me a hug."
Taking a few minutes to catch up on the industry news by the pile of newsletter and mail I saved till last.
State Household Carrier newsletter tells me “DOD (Dept of Defense) Families First program has run into some problems over the years.” *stun look on my face* Nah. Power Track ring a bell anyone? “The system has been years in development and has cost the government something in excess of $50,000,000. To this point it has been plagued with problems and DOD is working feverishly to work out the bugs.”
*rolls my eyes* Fifty million and you still don’t have it working? Show of hands for those who are shocked… looks around and sees none.
Then a national wide moving company we are agent for sends me a list of complaints the military members have, per survey taken by them. These are surveys not on my crews- but as in over 2,000 jobs in the United States.
Now some I will take into account and review with the guys Monday before they leave on the job. Yes- I know we can improve. Anyone who says they can not improve is just got the blinders on. We make mistakes.
But some are just….
Crew packed trash: 3%
O-O WTH? Now live hamster…..yes. But trash? LOL Story for another day, trust me.
Used clothes as packing material: 2%
Best thing to use around electronic is blankets or clothing. What is the problem with this?
Crewmembers on the cell phone: 2%
What are you? The cell police?
Crew did not return for debris: 8%
This is not a requirement. If you don’t have them take it on the day of delivery- you are stuck with it. It’s in the tariff. This should not even been on the survey… zit on a monkey’s butt.
Crew took to many breaks: 5%
Are you paying them? Noooo….
Rain +no mat= muddy home: 3%
Rain, plus your muddy walkway, steps, or driveway is muddy home. Heard of a broom, snot nose?
Excessive smoke breaks: 3%
Are you paying them, I ask again…
Water Damage to HHG: 4%
Well- they are walking in the rain, thru the mud, talking on the cell phone…
Reading AOL to catch up on the news I have missed these last few days and learn about the 3 men killed as they try to get to the miners.
Now- I agree no more lives should be lost. I also believe I would not want to be the family who has to live with the knowledge they could still be alive, but unable to be gotten to.
Found this as a comment and it just pissed me off. SOB.... *grrrr*
------
elmirerod1919 08:05:01 AM Aug 17 2007
Report This! Type your own comment hereelmirerod1919 08:03:37 AM Aug 17 2007
Report This! I said it from the very beginning, they'd never be found alive. Coal mining is a very dangerous job and these miners KNEW it the day they applied for this job. I would have left them for dead the first day, and it would've prevented these tragedies. Why should we fantasize that these miners are alive and waste our time on searching, when it's just gonna rn up or light bills? These miners are poorly educated, and offer little to society. They're not worth saving.
----
Then let me say this in the way you would understand. You hold to that attituted that these men are nothing- lets see what happens.
You will have to pay more for labor as I understand you will not try to save me. $$$
You would have more accidents and deaths because people like you are just out for the money- so you would buy shity equipment and not care for the laws. Fines- $$$$
Insurance will shot up from all the lawsuits of death and health problems your running of a mine would cause. $$$$
AND the cost of your pity ass soul? Well... that would be in cents- not dollars shitass.
Some people just need to keep their freaking mouth shut.
"In hunting, the caracal is mainly nocturnal, but will also use the twilight hours to search out its prey. Diurnal activity has also been observed, specially in the hunting of bird. For its size the caracal is strong and fast, and as well as taking smaller prey such as jerboas, sand rat, ground squirrel and rock hyrax, it can also bring down the larger reedbuck and duiker.
Much in the way of the Leopard, the caracal will sometimes cache its larger prey up in the lower limbs of trees and return to feed on its kill over several days. The caracal is also well known for using its agility and superior jumping ability to catch birds just after take-off – here prey species include pidgeons and guineafowl."
Note the vampire looking teeth? *wink wink*
Does that mean eagles to?? LOL
Hey- wait a darn minute. imagesinwords never told me that ate RATS! They eat rats?
Record heat today of 102. Been 18 years since it was this hot. :(
Ft. Campbell was busy. When I say busy- I mean equipment was being loaded on trucks, R/R trains. Last time I saw a military base that busy was just before we started this last war.
Soliders were doing PT out in the heat, full gear at 11:30am as we left the base. For them this song came to mind...
He said he had a venereal disease, and should not be held. At one point in his testimony, Appellant stated the following:
"I’m not going to sit here today and play along with this game and deny that I was the one that killed Wanda Martin [sic]. I killed her."
Took 8 years to get the trail over. Off and on for eight years of my mother sitting there- seeing the photos of her sister in the kitchen floor- face kicked in.
Images had a clip in her journal about a old tv show called Kindred The Embraced. I remember this show- but only the first one... maybe the second before the tv station that was showing it cancel it. (Guess they thought it was to .....gothic? bloody? You think? )
Anyway- know how I went to Amazon.com to buy a CD I wanted? Well.....
*holds the DVD set to her chest*
Guess what came in today?????
O.o
And its evil that I can only watch one show before I have to go to bed. Damn it. :(
But Julian is the sexy male I remember.... hunky fucky sexy!! Mmmm Mmmm.
The simple things that make a person special to me...
13:09 Aug 10 2007 Times Read: 2,116
Going to talk about LadyKrystalynDarkstar, yes I am. She sent me these two stamps, and I was very surprised, taken back by her gifts. But why should I be. This is a lady who has style and grace. Some might disagree- but then I call them like I see them.
And no matter what is said- or what some people think- this woman is my friend. Anyone who can put up with what she does, and still come out shining is a Lady.
I don’t have a stamp. Never have. I mean- not the fancy stamps with the words of “Been rated by…” I always wanted one but lack the computer skill of making one.
I would ask someone, but after being snub about an icon picture by someone who offered to make it, I decided if I could not make it then I did not need it. Better to not bother someone with questions on how to make one.
So when I open my account this morning to find these lovely stamps and the message “A present for you…just cus.” I just have to say how much they meant to me.
From sister who knows I am a big night sky fan. :)
Two moons on 27th August*
*27th Aug the Whole World is waiting for.............*
Planet Mars will be the brightest in the night sky starting August. It will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye. This will Cultivate on Aug. 27 when Mars comes within 34.65M miles of earth.
Be sure to watch the sky on Aug. 27 12:30 am. It will look like the Earth has 2 moons. The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287.
Share this with your friends as NO ONE ALIVE TODAY will ever see it Again. ( Unless you are one of those vampires that live forever...lol)
And from puppy some pictures that made me smile along with this poem.
If you like Evanescence, then you might like this group. Sister sent it to me to listen to, and I have fallen in love with them. Amazon.com is going to get a order from me shortly.
That and I need to check on the new release on Super Natural is out yet. lol :)
Group is called Within Temptation.
Stand My Ground is the songs name. I love the video, the song, and her dress. HOT! And the whole necklace, book of shadows angle. Yeap- favorite.
Also putting this here- hey, my journal. ;)
Song is called Memories. Again- love the video, song and the white dress. I like how she grows younger with her memories, then older as she leaves the estate, holding onto the heart necklace he gave her. So very Titanic, the movie. lol
Anyone else see the necklace theme going on here? Hmmm O.o
Either way- ordering a CD. Anyone need anything from Amazon while I am ordering?
I was updating the movies listed in my Coven- The Coven of Inari DOJO OF UNREALITY - and I had to share this one. Boy- I could see a debate happen between us girls on what we would do if it happen to us.
Right At Your Door After multiple dirty bombs are detonated, spreading deadly toxic ash across Los Angeles, Brad (Rory Cochrane) inadvertently quarantines his wife, Lexi (Mary McCormack) outside their new home by safely sealing himself inside. With the city under siege and Martial Law in affect, Brad and Lexi struggle to survive with little supply, limited time and no information—all the while separated by thin doors and thinner sheets of plastic. When "help" finally does arrive, it appears to be anything but.
Daydreams about night things in the middle of the afternoon.
23:55 Aug 05 2007 Times Read: 2,263
Lets put you were I was about a hour ago.
In my car, driving, I am talking to my father. After taking a truck to the job for in the morning (getting the parking spots at the health center I wanted) we are returning home.
As we talked, the radio played a song from my past. Our family always listens to music, big part of our lives. As dad was in the car, country station is on. I turn it up a little and ask “Dad- remember this song? Mom and you use to sing it to each other.” I start to sign along…
Then it hits me. “Day dreams about night things in the middle of the afternoon…”
O.O
OH MY GODS! It’s about sex. My parents having sex! I did not know if I should laugh, or throw up. I sure in the hell changed the station really fast. ROFL. Dad just grinned, and I started talking about the weather. Butthead had the nerve to laugh.
I mean… *rat covers her ears, shaking her head, shivers* EWWWW!!!
Went to the main forum to see what is going on and find these first thing. :) Oh come on- you know I would never post to them... but I will put my comments on my journal. lol
What to do to get your mind off bloodlust.
I know there have been forums about drinks that may act as blood substitutes. But does anyone know of actual actions that will get your mind off the blood lust?
Well- I always find a hour of crochet helps. The smooth movement of the hook thru the yarn calms me straight down. Or sucking on a raw steak. Either one. LOL
Energy Feeding.
is gender important when you guys feed? as for me. i usually get a lot of energy from women. i seldom feed from men coz i just dont feel the urge to feed from them.
i would like to here your thoughts on this. im just curious.
I try to feed off woman because they have more energy. Males are just so…calm, unless its about sex. While us women get into everything. Besides- when I feed off a male, I will not ask for directions for days when I am lost. Hate that.
O.o
Stalked By A Demonic Force
Has anyone else ever been stalked by a demonic force? I was when I was a child till my father banished it.
It was just last week. But then I turned on it and told it to either shit or get off the pot (pot being me) and it left me alone. Maybe you should do that. If you do it in front of a policeman or a person in the mental health field - it would also help. ^.^
See- this is the reason I stay out of crowds. :)
But this is me picking on the bad ones. I am returning to find one to post to, dang it. Yes I will.... I will... I will!
Dubael sent me a message about my discussion on the Boogir man and ethics. I wanted to share some of his comments.
"Boogie men have been replaced by the following; Terrorists, MIB, The FBI, secret government agencies, and other such 'boogie men'."
Have to say it never enter my mind- but I can see the point.
"While it is important for a large society to be accepting of these variations, that is no overature for the abandonment of those precepts that allow large numbers of the same species to live and co-habitate in peaceful happiness. Not that a little chaos isn't good for mixing things up, but a free for all is only fun for those who can bully others about."
So true.
Thank you for your message and giving me a different point of view.
A man and woman were dating and he asked her to marry him. She told him to prove his love to her she wanted him to get her name, Wendy, tattooed on his penis. When it was erect is said Wendy and when it was limp it said Wy.
They got married and went to Jamaica to a nude beach for their honeymoon. Wendy told her husband to go get them a drink so he went to a stand on the beach and noticed the man who was waiting on him also has a Wy on his penis.
He said oh you must have a wife named Wendy to and the waiter said no mine says Welcome to Jamaica man have a nice day!!!
Been thinking… I know dangerous, but true. As I am not a forum person I guess I will put the thoughts that ramble around in my head here. After all- it is my journal. :)
Besides- if I did put this in the forum it would be
1. Made fun of by the smart people.
2. Turn into a laughing stock by the forum's "real" boogie man and woman. (smerk)
Or 3. Get deleted as its really not a question.
See- I just like to research a subject and talk about it with people. I don't want to fight, or get into a "You don't now..." debate.
I just want to listen to your point of view and ask questions if I have any. You can answer them, or tell me you do not know. We can find out together.
Ten people read the bible, and you ask them to tell you what they have read, and you will get ten different viewpoints.
Taking that into account- I place this here for me, no one else. This is my viewpoint.
I posted a thread on the general discussion about where the “boogie” man of our childhood had gone. I gave an example of the vampire but there are so many more. Demons, evil beings used to scare us to behave. To give us the thrill of the unknown.
What has happen to them? The thread said movies, books changed them into accepted beings. I kept track of the thread, and notice no one made the one comment I wanted to explore.
Morals.
Evil has always been, just as good, light to darkness. Taking into account my age- I can truly say the principles of my youth are not the same as they are this day. I see more gray then black and white. I see why people do things; how they can get caught in the world where they believe it is alright to harm people, to do what is needed to survive in their mind.
As in the vampire of the movies who killing, drinking the blood of the victim? Yes- I know… that is fantasy. But this is the ones I knew of as a child. Demons of the night, unholy. What is the difference of that evil…and the evil of a man who kills a person for greed, hate? Who will rape a woman? Who beats a child?
Is the boogie man changed, the things we are told is bad (vampires, devils, demons, killers, spouse abusers, rapist, thiefs) different, or is it our own ethics? For myself- it is. I say I do try not to judge people, I try and understand. Is that the good in me, or is that opening the door to the darker side?
And making the boogie man a part of myself? Making him a person to pity, and not to fear or see as evil. Would I want to be one, even?
Have had a few shitty days- doing things I didn't want to do, dealing with people and their feelings. Federal Judge is moved. Doctor's office is moved. Death of a loved one's father. And... AND its the first freaking day of August.
FYI- I HATE this month. Lots of bad things happen this month in my past. The two life changing events happen in this month.
Right now- I just want to turn up the pioneer, and listen to some rocking music. Have a few beers before I go to bed as its another early day at work.
Queen, ACDC, Slade,? Nah... time for a man I just love to dance to.
Went to the funeral today. Victor was from a very country town, that main street is about 3 miles long. No stop light. A small gas station/country store with two pumps. Funeral home has been in business since 1899, owned and operated by the same family. Wow.
We took the trip to the grave yard- and as we passed people, they pulled over. Remember that? Our home town still does it to. But what pulled at my heart strings, and there was many today, was when the farmers stopped the tractors and removed their hats as the cars drove by.
That is country folks for you.
The only thing…. And it’s a well known issue I have. My sister and I am sitting at the back, giving the family a few minutes before the crowd showed, when I told her I did not want a preacher at my funeral. She looks at me, and asks what I did want.
First- closed coffin. Second- I want family and friends to stand up and talk about me. Tell the good, the bad, and the ugly. She just shook her head and changed the subject. She knows I am pagan, so she just lets it go.
I know that the funeral is for the family that is left and I will not know what is going on, and I told her as such. I would never want my family and friends to be upset, or anything I want to upset them more at that time. Today I came to terms with a preacher, and told myself it’s for the family.
Then we sat thru the service. Victor was not a very religious man. And the preacher was from a church of his sisters, Baptist. One of my many pet peeves- do not use the time of grief to tell me I am going to hell. Do not tell me unless I am saved in god’s eyes- I will not be saved. Do not turn it into a recruiting event. Do not tell people if Victor had taken God into his heart- he was sitting on the right side of him, in heaven, right now. That all of us should take god into our hearts before it’s too late.
What if Victor didn’t? What if he was mad at god for making him so ill? What if he gave up on God? Where is he sitting at now? Where is God’s charity/ pity/ understanding then?
He went on to say God had a new world for Victor- where there was no pain, just love and joy. Doesn’t that make anyone question why he could not have had those here? Were he could stayed with his family? If god is so prefect…why did Victor have to fight to say alive these last few years? In pain, sick? Was it because he did not go to church? Because he did not pray everyday? Did not donate to the church, so you can build larger and larger churches?
My sister leaned over later in the day, and told me she had seen the reason I would not want a preacher, and she would do what she could to see my last wishes were fulfilled.
*shrugs* But see- I do believe in God. Just not the judgmental one I heard of today. I believe God came to Victor and eased his pain at last, and took him to a place of rest. I believe God never asked for blind faith. He never asked to be worship. He never asked for buildings to be built, money and greed in his name, of wars, deaths. I believe God took his child home… and that there is no hell. If there is a Hell it is here- on earth.
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